Shades of Scarlett Deep in Thought

We all seem to sometimes forget to appreciate life and those around us. I know that many of us have difficult lives but don't forget to tell your significant other that you love him or her. Don't forget to appreciate all of the many years your parents spent raising you. For all of us who had horrid childhoods, I know how you feel and well I will say that I don't appreciate my sperm donor (biological father) because he royally screwed me up but I appreciate the love my mother gave me. What I would have done without her encouragement I don't know. Secondly, my dad...he married my mom about oh 7 years ago I guess and adopted her children. He showed me what my daddy was supposed to be like.

I guess what I am trying to say here is don't take things for granted. I remember being in Iraq and wondering everyday if I would ever see my parents again. Will I get to tell them I love them? Will I be the one who gets shot on the next mission? Well, we all know the answer to those questions now...I am home, safe. So now I look at life a tad bit differently. I appreciate the small things- like being able to turn my fan on at night, having normal food, TV to watch, electricity, rain...oh and so many more things that we never had overseas. Just don't forget that we have so much here in America and there are so many people in other countries who don't have half of what we do and they are so much more grateful than we are.

One of my touchiest areas to discuss is the situation in Iraq. For those of you who know me personally, I am a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom so this issue is quite personal for me. We need to finish the job we started one way or another. I think that they need us there. After seeing the state of the country and the innocent women and children who suffered first and foremost from the influence and dictatorship of Saddam Hussein, I think without a shadow of doubt that we should be there. I am not a politician so I can't propose my own solution without conducting extensive research. I can say, though, that people need to stop protesting the war in Iraq without realizing what they are saying. By protesting the war, you are protesting the saving of children's lives. Think about it this way, if the situation were reversed and the US was under the tyranny of a president such as Saddam, wouldn't you want the most powerful country in the world to intervene so that your 3-year old baby girl will have a chance to see her next birthday, to go to first grade, to have her first kiss, to graduate high school, and to get married? When you put into perspective in that manner, things are completely different.
What is the definition of war?
"War typically has been defined as armed, hostile conflict among states or nations. We think of groups of soldiers who have been trained to shoot and kill, under the leadership of a commanding officer. Yet, the definition of war and its soldiers recently has been expanded to include terrorists-also known as suicide or homicide bombers. We are at war with terrorists. Pres. Bush formally has defined our relationship with them in that way-and every form of war potentially presents significant dangers to the human minds of those who are somehow seriously threatened."-THE COLLATERAL PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE OF WAR. Ralph Hyatt. USA Today. New York: Sep 2003. Vol. 132, Iss. 2700; pg. 58.
I bet those of you who oppose the war in Iraq didn't even stop to think about the various definitions of war and which one(s) apply to Iraq. It is my challenge to each one of who to, no matter your stance, seriously sit down and examine your beliefs and values on Iraq. At least know what they are and how you reached them. Even if you oppose the war, at least know why- an intelligent why at that.

You know what, if you don't like me, get over it because I am happy with who I am. I feel like I am a good person. Certain people who I come into contact with lately have some major attitude problems and it is wearing on my nerves. It's like um hello? Who died and made you God? Ok, that's what I thought- no one. Furthermore, there is a purpose for constructive criticism...for us to learn how to correct our mistakes and learn from them. So why do people try to exact revenge on those who provide constructive criticism. Maybe it's just me but I don't really think so. Ok well enough for now. For all of you who read this, please say a prayer or at least spend some time thinking about our troops overseas at war. God bless them all! :D

Since I love music so much (I play piano), I try to listen to music that answers or poses some of the questions in my head. For instance, Evanescence...wow. Amy Lee discusses the deep, dark thoughts running through my mind. It is genius. Well I was on someone else's blog- can't remember who- and he had In the Shadows from The Rasmus playing in the background. I was like oh wow! So I have been downloading The Rasmus' music all morning and it keeps getting better and better! My recommendation to all of you is to find that music and listen to it. If you can't download it, send me a message and I will add you to one of my instant messengers and I can send it to you.

I have a knack for staying up until the wee hours of the morning. Right now it is 2:10 a.m. and my happy self should be asleep but nope...not the case obviously. Today was alright I guess. My roommate's cousin died so she hasn't had a good day. I didn't get up until about 2:30 in the afternoon because I didn't go to bed last night until about 2:30 in the morning. My sleeping pattern is way off kilter. C'est la vie!
I started working on my own webpage today. I have been trying for ages to do this but couldn't figure it out. I am so totally excited about it.
Sometimes I wonder when my life will go back to normal. I am happy to be a civilian, to know that I will never have to go to war again but at the same time, in a way I miss the military. It will always be a part of my life. There's an old saying, "You can always a person out of the military but you can't take the military out of a person." Well guess what, that's so so so true! I don't know what to do with myself most times. And other times I just don't want to do a damn thing except curl up inside myself and cry. What good will crying do though? My whole body aches and I don't mean physically, mentally and emotionally. Life has worn down on me...and woah, I am only almost 21 (July 28th:!:)). I feel like um 20 years older. Will I ever be as full of life as I was prior to deployment? Will I ever be ok again? Can I ever face life with the same passion that I did just a year and a half ago? Lord knows I pray that I do. I believe so firmly that God will never give me more than I can handle but I don't know that I can handle what He is giving me know. Can I just have one day with no worries? My headaches are getting worse now, in this moment in other words, and I don't know why. The doctors can't tell me a damn thing. Nothing is showing up on the brainscan so I am going to have to have an MRI done. I went to war with pride and honor but I have come home so completely broken. Please Please someone tell me that life will be ok someday.

:? I am going to be a history teacher so why should I take Geology 111. Besides I am just not interested in that. I have a test on Friday and I am about to say screw it and not care...so not like me...

On another note, why do people worry about other people than themselves. Concern yourself with your own life damnit and I promise I will concern myself with mine. It is my prerogative to do what I want in my life...even if those choices maybe aren't the best ones. I am only almost 21 and I have so much of life left to live.

My challenge to others would be to live life each day with passion. Fulfill your dreams. Be all that you can be.

:lol: Well, Jessi has a blog so I thought I would give it a try. I like to journal but I am horrid at keeping up with it so maybe this would be a great way to do that. Today was good. Several of our Gamma Kappa Pi sisters participated with the Special Olympics. I went from 9 am -11 am and then again from 12:30-about 1:30. It was awesome to see the positive attitudes from the children and adults who do not have the easy life we do. They all struggle with so much in life and the small things like playing in the Special Olympics gives them so much joy. I pray that I will show that joy more often. I have had to put a suit on, not that I mind but I was quite comfortable in my jeans and GKPi shirt. I have a LEAD Academy recognition dinner tonight and as one of the mentors for next year, Dr. High wanted my presence. I am excited to be getting back into the swing of things with school and whatnot. I happy that Iraq is behind me and hopefully life will settle down a bit. For all of you who read this, be thankful for what you have and where you are in life because there are people out there who have nothing (the children in Iraq). Please be so thankful that you have another day to live and be who you are. Celebrate who you are!