Shades of Scarlett Deep in Thought

As a part of my Exceptional Child (Special Education) class this semester, we are discussing the influence of cultural diversity on education. As we all know, America certainly is not composed of one race only rather we are better termed as a "melting pot" of races and ethnicity.

Before beginning my diatribe on this topic for today, I would like to point out the difference between race and ethnicity. I will use my dearest Shark99 as an example. Shark was born in Thailand and as an infant was adopted by a loving Swedish couple. Therefore, his race is Thailand. However, his ethnicity is Swedish because he was raised in Swedish and his culture is Swedish. His native language is Swedish. He has no clue about anything Asian as far as a cultural background. It is simply that he was raised in Sweden. I hope that's a good enough example to explain the difference between race and ethnicity.

No matter what career you choose or have chosen for your life, even if you are a stay home mom or dad, you must learn to observe and be educated about the values and background that make up the environment of the people around you. We learned in class today that when you evaluate a person's environment, you must examine their background (race and ethnicity both) as well as values they were raised to hold.

Some people are outgoing people who naturally get along with everyone in the entire world. However, for the rest of us normal 99.99% of the world, we have to broaden our horizons, look at the world around us, and learn how to appreciate everyone else for their differences. If we can better learn to understand our differences and why they exist, we can better understand each other. Understanding differences begins with understanding the persons environment- values and background.

I challenge all of us to become more aware...including myself. I know that I would be more open to others around me if I would take the time to sit down, talk to them, and learn where they came from and how that has affected their life, personality, and outlook on the world around them.

Cheers to all of you, reminder that I love Shark99 with all my heart, and for those of you who will be celebrating this weekend, Happy 4th of July!

Some of you know that I work on a volunteer basis with my Red Cross chapter here in Weakley Cty, TN. I have come to love working here. It is a rewarding experience and one that I have learned from. My director has even let me serve on the board of directors and I get to have a say and vote in what happens with this chapter. Today she's not here and yay...I get to oversee the whole damn officer. (haha it's a one room office though. We are a very small chapter...)

Yesterday, I dealt with a military phone call which means I had to bring a soldier home. That's a hard thing to do and even though I am glad to be able to help his family, it's still hard knowing he is coming home for such circumstances.

So, despite all of the above, despite how much the director here has worked to help this county on so many levels, the United Way has cut our funding down to $15K and that money is to be only used for disasters. None of it can be used in overall management costs to run the actual chapter. For those of you who don't know, the American Red Cross here is run solely on funding from the United Way and whatever money we can generate via fundraising. This county being small, money generated from fundraising does not amount to enough to manage this chapter.

So, my challenge to you is to consider donations and helping your local Red Cross chapter if they are doing any kind of fundraising. They need it, I promise. I just sincerely hope that we can keep this chapter alive. I won't be here much longer and it will be my director here again by herself (well with her board of directors too) and for the sake of the people in this county and the 2 National Guard units again facing deployment, I sincerely hope that the doors to this chapter will be kept open.

Wow...I breathe a sigh of relief as I flip through the web pages of new on MSNBC.com. Thank you to my God above! Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and his fellow militants released the three Turkish hostages and announced on a video:

“For the sake of you, our brothers, and Muslims of the people of Turkey ... we will release these hostages and send them safely home”

However, this small step was grossly overshadowed by another death. SPC Matt Maupin was announced executed by his captors. He had been held in captivity for 3 months. A video tape showed him being shot in the back of the head. The Dept. of Defense is reviewing the videotape for confirmation. The group responsible for his capture and execution calls themselves “The Sharp Sword against the Enemies of God and His Prophet.”

During the time when SPC Maupin was captured, eight other Americans were captured with him, seven of them contractors. The bodies of four contractors and SGT Elmer Krause were found near the site of the ambush. Thomas Hamill, one of the contractors, escaped from captivity nearly a month later but the others still remain missing.

Furthermore, Saddam Hussein is to be turned over to the new Iraqi government on Wednesday. He will begin trial the next day by the Iraqi courts. However, since Iraq does not have suitable and well guarded prisons, Saddam will remain in a US run prison for now. Saddam Hussein is facing multiple war crime charges including genocide. New arrest warrants were issued for Saddam and a number of other government officials including the man known as "Chemical Ali".

I sincerely breathe yet another sigh of relief as justice begins to be brought on the people who so cruelly ruled a country. To commit genocide on their own people just blows my mind away. I can't imagine. So, I hope, for the sake of all Iraqis, that these trials go smoothly and that all involved are brought to justice as they so deserve.

I am so mad now. I typed a really good blog and when I clicked post, it said, Thank you for visiting tBlog.com. Please give us a few minutes while we fix some issues....
-The tBLOG Team

OMG! I really worked on that entry! So ok, I have just returned from college classes for the day. Now I am going to blog and do homework.

We all wondered and waited for when it would happen again. We didn’t know when but we knew it would. We all prayed hoping it wouldn’t be our loved ones and friends serving.

Three new videos have been released over the weekend picturing several people captured and facing another horrible execution. The first video was released on Saturday and announced the capture of three Turkish citizens who will face execution unless the Turkish government agrees to remove her presence in Iraq. Turkey refused to comply with the demands noting that for 20 years she has been dealing with terrorism and not once has she given their demands any serious thought. The Turkish government is not about to change that policy now. And why should they?

The first of two videos released on Sunday depicts a US Marine who has been missing in action. He was blindfolded with a sword held above his head by one of his captors. Although the Pentagon cannot confirm his identity, the man is said to be Cpl. Wassef Ali Hassoun with the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force. He is of Arab descent, Lebanon to be precise, and therefore is fluent in Arabic. He is reported to possibly have relatives and a wife in Lebanon. His family has asked the world to pray for his safe return as well we should!

The third video released depicted a Pakistani man who has been reported missing by his employer- Kellogg Brown and Root, a contracting company working in several different fields in Iraq. In this and the video of the US Marine, the captors demanded the release of all Iraqi prisoners held by the US or else they will face execution.

Although no video has been released of his capture, US ARMY PFC Matt Maupin was captured April 9 during an ambush on his convoy outside of Baghdad. He has been in capture since April and has not yet been reported dead or otherwise. President Bush met with his family on June 21st.

This has gone too far, I am sorry, but this is horrible. I get teary reading about these things. My heart hurts for these people and their families. We should remember their families while they are enduring hardships we cannot begin to comprehend. The sad thing is that even if the governments of the world (US, South Korea, Turkey, and the new Iraq) complied with the terrorists, these people would still be executed. The terrorists would know they controlled us and we certainly don’t need to be controlled by these madmen. People are going to yet again point to Bush and blame but why? He can’t do anything about this and if he pulls out of Iraq, they WILL know they can control our actions and will just continue their reign of terror. And then, you will really wish you had just shut up and let us finish the job we started. What, would you rather the war on terror be fought here? Sure, I really want the innocent citizens of this country to endure such a war in their backyard! Um…I think not!!! So, lets just remember these people and their families.

First of all, I hope that you all have had a wonderful weekend with a bit of time to relax as now the new week is almost here. I know that I have had a wonderful weekend with the arrival of some of my dear sorority sisters for our first summer meeting. That was just wonderful...time to catch up, etc.

So, the change is needed in the title of my blog. Everyone else seems to be doing these contest things so since my feeble brain is not producing any good titles, I will turn to all of you. For those of you who know me well on here, just go with that and give me what you think would be a good title for my blog! I will do this for a week and will give the winner 150 tBucks. Please...help me out here!!!

BTW, Shark99 is just returning from his Oklahoma City trip and has fallen in the blog ranks so pay a visit to his blog!!!

"Girls are coming tomorrow...grocery shopping done...I need to clean the house...last minute meeting plans." Walking out of Movies-to-Go, she mentally reviewed the necessary arrangements for the upcoming weekend. The sisterhood of Gamma Kappa Pi always had a summer meeting to plan the loom of the impending semester. Pledge process, family day, formal, community service projects, and of course fundraising- drama to include as well. Who can forget drama when the organization is composed of 30 girls.

Not 50 yards from her ear, a ripple of what sounded like gunshots pierced the calm, evening air. Panicked, she swirled around and instantly flipped her knife out.

"OMG!!! What have you done?!" The cries of a young girl rang out amidst hurried voices. "Let's get out of here before we get into trouble!" Through the alley between the buildings, two young girls followed by several teenaged boys dashed into the parking lot.

Still, no one knew what had happened. Mostly everyone rushed to their cars and sped away. She just froze in time, terror written across her forehead, unable to move.

"Hey, that lady is freaking out. Ya'll stop messing around."

Another volley of what sounded like gunshots penetrated the once calm evening. She fell to the pavement, nearly slicing the knife through her hand.

"Oh shit ya'll. Someone needs to make sure she's ok."

The girl ran at break-neck speed to attend to the lady. "Ma'am, ma'am, are you alright?"

"Um what was that, who's hurt, who's got a gun? We need to get help?"

"No that was one of my friends setting off fireworks. I am sorry, I know we aren't supposed to be doing that in town." She touched the young lady's shoulder.

"Look, it's ok, I just panicked."

"Well, I mean, are you gonna be alright?"

"I went to Iraq, it's never be 'alright'. But, thanks anyway." The lady struggled to her feet and slowly made her way to her car.

"Ya'll stop being stupid. She was in Iraq. Come on, get a grip. Let's just go home."

The lady paused for a few moments to regain her composure and eventually drove to the safety of her home. Once again, she realized the scope of her reaction to life around her. "Damn, he loves me despite all this? Wow, I am the luckiest girl in the world."

I would like to pose an explanation for my moodiness er my worrying about John. People are always telling me to calm down and stop getting so damn worried but most of you truly don't understand what I am going through here. This is no excuse but here's a tad bit of a background.

Since the war and resulting from my PTSD, I am increasingly worried and panicked about things that truly I don't need to worry about. Most days I have my ups and downs. Sometimes I will have an up day and things are going great but then one little thing will make me feel down again. It's like a damn seesaw...

Things have gotten better with the arrival of John in my life. I know with all of my heart that he loves me and that he won't ever want to be with anyone beside me. But yesterday was a very bad down day. The whole day was a down day. I can't really explain why it was but it was. So, I know some of you are really thinking I am nuts for freaking out about once a week in the issue of John. But, that's why and I am honestly working really hard to fight it and to do it on my own.

So, I hope, dear friends, that you don't think terrible of me but I felt that my rantings of late were bad and that I owed all of you an explanation. Take care, and as always, thank you for everything.

This one is inspired by . Thanks so much for the idea!

We all went over to the 238th tent to hang out and be silly. We had just come home from Baghdad. Keep in mind here that I am an innocent 19 year old girl from the south who has never drank a drop of alcohol...ever...

I walked over to Brandon who was drinking something from a 1 liter bottle. I always drank after him so I took it from his hand and chugged. Everyone in the whole tent turned and stared. I mean I chugged that bottle. About 30 seconds later, I realized I wasn't drinking gatorade. It was lemon lime gatorade mixed with Iraqi whiskey. Can I say really potent? It doesn't begin to compare with any whiskey made here. I was so stressed though and tired....

So, I went back to my tent and brought back my own bottle, poured in God knows what. I do know that about half the bottle was whiskey. (A 1/2 liter of that shit when I had never drank before).

By the end of the night, I had managed to walk around most of the base without getting caught. Finally Brandon located me and literally scooped me up in his arms. Just as we were about to make it safely in my tent, SFC Launsby walked by and was like what the hell's wrong with your feet? She demanded me to be put down and I was like shit I can't get caught drunk...underage, and in a war zone where no alcohol is permitted.

The next second I literally started crying my head off. Then I started screaming "in pain", yelling about my foot that had gotten "caught by a metal tent stake" and as far as I was concerned I was for real dying. She just looked at me like oh God, you are crying over that and we are getting shot at...ok whatever- crybaby. So I sat down on my cot and was going to go to sleep. Right...

Apparently I got up again and walked to the porta potty and Michael found me there. He took me back to bed but later I apparently went to the supply tent, stood on a desk and danced to the air blowing...and after falling off the table and landing square on my face in the sand, I walked to 1st platoon's tent and announced to the world that I was going home and for them to try and stop me. Apparently I actually started walking toward the base but Brandon came and got me. Later I guess I passed out because I woke up in Brandon's cot with him sitting in his fold out chair with his M16 across his lap. I woke up to a glare. I guess he "guarded" me that night.

Just an update from last night's teary, hurt words...I am ok now. I called John and told him that I was sorry and that I was stupid and that I shouldn't care if he says he loves in front of everyone or not because I know he really does love me. Anyway, I am off to the Red Cross so I will see ya'll later this morning.

I love John so much, endlessly, and it's so awesome because I know he loves me too. Have you ever dated someone who was private about their love for you though? I don't understand that.

Oh ya'll please stop...I am not over analyzing this and I am not freaking out. I am just unloading about our conversation tonight because I have to. He loves me more than I thought possible; he loves me to the depths of the universe.

Tonight he was in a taxi on the way back to the hotel I guess and when I realized that he had wanted to talk to me because he was with the guys then I was like well honey I am so sorry, you should have just told me and I love you ok...

He so didn't want to say it back and God I knew it. I acted not to care and was like yeah he doesn't wanna say it in front of em...kinda laughed...hurt a bit...k a lot...and hung up. So he didn't call me and so I called him later and he still didn't wanna talk...well that wasn't his fault b/c he was in the restroom. But still...

So I called him back later when I was ready and was calmed down and ready to explain why that hurt me. I know he's not embarrassed of me but he doesn't want to shout to the world that he loves me and I do! I tell everyone...hey I am the luckiest girl alive because I love him and he loves me!

He says he will change but that's the thing...I never said, John I love you but you have to change this or that. I don't want him to change because I love him for him. But does that take away being hurt...no sadly it doesn't. He will never truly want to be loving in front of other people. Maybe that's the way his culture does things. I don't know and that's wrong of me. I should know that. But I don't, and I am sorry.

I am sorry John. I am sorry that men have torn me to pieces, that there is only three men throughout my whole life (not counting you of course love) that have not destroyed me. Daddy, Andrew, and my best friend who you don't like me being friends with. Sorry, he saved me and that's why I met you. I don't love him. I picked you John. I PICKED YOU! for huge, life-changing, million reasons. So know that. But I am still sorry that I need you to love me in front of people but I do. Because all other ppl who wouldn't love me in public didn't really love me at all. So I just need you to be ok loving me in front of everyone, not just in private and on tBlog.

Ok...I just wanna sit and cry for awhile. Because I am endlessly stupid. I should just be happy that John loves and supports me, whether that's public or private. Ok...time for me to change....yep I need to. Why didn't I realize that before. Ok...time to lay down....lots to do tomorrow.

Ok this guy is simply pitiful. His lawyer has accused the United States of abusing him during the months that followed his capture. However, the Pentagon maintains that they have not abused him and that he personally signed off on his Red Cross capture card. The Red Cross reports having clear access to Saddam. Officials at the Pentagon further stated that it was obvious he was being treated within the guidelines of the Geneva Conventions.

What the Hell BTW!!! Saddam "claims" to be wounded and there is no proof of this. But, it is perfectly ok for their militants to behead innocent civilians and leave their mutilated bodies for God only knows who or what animal to find! How does that work? I am a soldier and therefore I realize the importance of the Geneva Convention but may I just say that we are the only freakin country that abides by them...

Furthermore, what is this crap about the US soldiers accused of war crimes being in the realm of judgement under the UN??? Our soldiers who abused the POW's at Abu Graib had damn well better not be tried by anyone other thant the US. See Greybeard's blog for more info on that. Greybeard

Isn't it funny how life turns out sometimes? You have all of these "dreams" or better yet "expectations" that we hold about what our life should be. In High School, we all acted certain ways and dressed a certain way in order to present a certain image which in fact was in most cases quite fake.

I never imagined myself planning a wedding to someone who completes me so totally, some who literally worships the ground I walk on. Moreover, I never expected my broken heart capable of loving someone so deeply in return.

I never imagined people being jealous of my life as it is now. I have excitedly told people about John. I get this jealous omg you are going to marry someone from Europe? Well, yes, and no. Why are they jealous of that? If it was me on the other side, I would be jealous of the love. Why is that people are worried about status? I am just immensely pleased that John loves and cares for me as much I as I him. So I just pondered that for a bit today as I spoke with old acquaintances of mine.

I then wondered of how funny things turn out sometimes. I remember the times of High School and that I wasn't too terribly popular. Well of course I was in the middle, you know the kid who would talk to anyone so therefore wasn't accepted by either side. I didn't care so much but you know you always want that acceptance at that age. So I think I was a bit jealous of them at that time. And now it's the opposite thing. But still, I don't know why they are jealous of me when they could most certainly have what I have.

I don't have material things. I merely have what makes me happy- God, John, my family, and the hope of a career as a teacher. I am not going to some rich, high-society bimbo just because my future husband grew up in Europe. I am still going to be that same rather bubbly southern girl. I dunno...is this merely a blog entry filled with rambles or do I make sense here? Please, enlighten me.


[b]NOTE:[/b] Shark is out in Oklahoma City for training so please visit his blog or else he will get quite silly upon losing rank at hot blogs. Lol...he's so silly about that.

"Anyway, David, this whole thing irritates me. I came home for Daddy because he's so sick and why are they overseas talking shit about me. He's dying and we have no idea if he's gonna make you know!" I was laying down in my parent's guest bedroom about 1 month after I had come home from Iraq.

"Well just take it easy and things will calm down once they are home too..." I didn't hear the rest of what he said. My mother had flown into the room in tears brokenly asking for the phone.

"We have to...um...it's Winston...um...I need to...9-1-1..." Mama was broken so much from the love of her life withering away in front of her eyes. My deployment had made nothing easier.

We called 911 er I did...mama couldn't. That night Daddy had a mild heartache coupled with both pnemonia and congestive heart failure due to the pnemonia. He laid in the ER literally breathing his last breaths. One by one, we all went in and said we loved him, refusing to say goodbye and refusing to accept the inevitable.

For the next month, we prayed endlessly while mama sat with him in the critical care unit of Lourdes Hosp. in Paducah. I don't know how he survived; he was on life support.

Daddy, you have fought this disease for over a year now. I admire and respect your resolve to live. I thank God that you will be here to walk me down the aisle. Last year, I remember you saying you weren't certain you would be around for that. Well know you know you will be. Just stay strong and the cancer will never beat you.

Thank you, Daddy, for being the dad you certainly didn't have to be. Not many men marry women with 6 children coming out of an abusive situation and adopt them all. Thank you for loving us and for loving my mother so endlessly. Daddy, you were our savior all those 8 years ago, you were mama's angel.

"Do you ever wonder if we will ever go home?" I laid on top of my tanker in Baghdad. We had just finished downloading our fuel for the airfield two hours before.

"Yeah, who doesn't?" Brandon just shrugged.

"It just seems like it's never coming...that plane to take us home. Are we bad or what for hoping so much for that day to come?"

"I am gonna miss Ally's birthday. She will be four. I feel like such a failure as a father missing that."

"What? No, later in life she will respect you for fighting for your country." I leaned up and touched his shoulder protectively.

"Yeah...fighting for what. A bunch of people who hate us anyway...they don't care that we are here."

"Well we are here to protect them even if they aren't grateful. Don't you remember that little boy in Samawah who we gave Starburst? He was so delighted. Things like that, Brandon, that's why we are here."

"Tell that to SGT Rowe's family. I mean sometimes things just seem so damn fucked up here. Everything just gets to me. I am an ass I know."

"No, what you are is a soldier torn from his family at an inopportune time in life when you would much prefer be safe at home. We are under an incredible level of pressure and stress here. I mean, that doesn't even include that things would so much easier if our damn CO didn't lead us into dangerous shit." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah I would like to catch him a dark alley in the states..." Brandon laughed and pushed me over. "Go to sleep, Scarlett, it's your turn to drive first tomorrow."

"Oh man...I feel the love...I gotta drive first?! Hell...ok night hon. You get some sleep and stop worrying about deep shit. We all wanna go home...like I asked earlier, we all wonder about if it will ever come."


So a lot of you ask about the soldier's perspective about war and being in Iraq. That's another journal entry....for some damn reason I can recall whole conversations but there ya go....love ya'll...

The South Korean man has been executed, sad to say. US Military found his body between Baghdad and Fallujah just hours after announcements had been made for delays in execution.

His executioners made this statement to Korea shortly before executing the man. “This is what your hands have committed. Your army has not come here for the sake of Iraqis, but for cursed America.” President Bush condemned the actions of the terrorists and the execution itself and remained confident in South Korea's promise for troops.

South Korea remains firm with decisions to deploy 3000 troops but will evacuate all civilians in Iraq. We need to remember his family and all others deeply affected by this tragedy.

For those of you who enjoy keeping up with what Blou- [url=http://blou.tblog.com][/url] has termed the romance of the century, here's the latest update.

After serious thought and consideration, I will no longer be a resident of TN at the end of the fall semester. I am going to finish out the summer and fall semesters here at UTM and then I will be transferring to the University of Illinois in Champaign. That is 45 minutes from John and it will not be hard to commute to and from school from his apt.

I am so excited about being with him daily that I am giddy. John, you truly are the love of my life and thank you so much for wanting us to be closer.

So between now and then, I am going to work on transferring my piano students to other well-qualified teachers here, calming my sorority sisters down (haha I love you girls), and reassuring my supportive family that I haven't lost my mind.

So there's the update! I am at work at the Red Cross right now so I won't have time to post something meaningful until later this afternoon. Take care and love me...leave comments and vote for Blou in featured blogs!

We all know all too well that the deadline has just passed maybe eight hours ago for the life of the South Korean and 10 other hostages to be spared. South Korea has not backed down from her plans to send approximately 3000 troops to Iraq during the coming months. No additional video has been released as of yet that announces the official execution of the hostages.

I maintain my point that these people are evil and heartless. I can't imagine the pain and heartache his family is enduring right now.

I am just writing this to make sure it's all said, just so you know...

I have never felt more stupid in my entire life than today. I am tired but that's no excuse. I didn't mean to hurt you if I did. I keep telling and trying my hardest to show you that I love you but I don't know it it's doing any good. I don't know what you think, I ask, and then I just feel more stupid.

Never in my life have I wanted something more. I feel horrible now because I feel ignored and like you are angry with me. Do you want someone else? Do you think she's prettier than me? Does she have more than I do? Can she make you happier? This "she" is really no specific person just a term of anyone other than me.

Am I just being stupid today? Am I just imagining everything? Is it just because I haven't slept since Saturday night? I think the majority of this is that I am trying to much to trust that you do love me no matter what. And now that I know that you are having a difficult time realizing that I love you and no one else, I worry. I know I probably really shouldn't worry but it's human nature.

To all of the countries listed below, thank you for your service, thank you for the sacrifices you are putting forth to preserve freedom and the right for innocent people to live and be happy. I just wanted to let you all know the scope of things...the US is not the only country fighting this war and I certainly hope and pray for the safe return of all soldiers involved, no matter what country they are from.

I also hope that someone beats the hell out of these damn Al Queda militants who have captured more people and made more ridiculous demands. See my post below about the South Korean who is currently being held hostage and who is set to be executed tonight (sunset) if his country does not comply with the demands.

United States 130,000

Britain 12,000

Albania 70

Australia 1,000

Azerbaijan 150

Bulgaria 470

Czech Rep. 92

Denmark 496

Dominican Rep. 300

El Salvador 360

Estonia 55

Georgia 70

Hungary 300

Italy 3,000

Japan 1,000

Kazakhstan 25

Latvia 120

Lithuania 105

Macedonia 28

Moldova 25

Mongolia 180

Netherlands 1,100

New Zealand 60

Nicaragua 230

Norway 150

Philippines 95 (175 on the way)

Poland 2,400

Portugal 130

Romania 400

Singapore 200

Slovakia 69 (120 on the way)

South Korea 675 (3,000 on the way)

Thailand 443 (30 on the way)

Ukraine 2,000

Earlier today, Al Queda militants aired yet another horrible demand via videotape over the Al-Jazeera network. This time a South Korean soldier has been held hostage. If within 24 hours, the South Korean government doesn't pull out of Iraq, the soldier will be killed.

“Korean soldiers, please get out of here,” the man screamed in English, flailing his arms. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I know that your life is important, but my life is important.”

The 33 year old South Korean has been identified as Kim Sun-il. He worked as a supplier for the U.S. troops. After the video announcing the beheading of U.S. citizen, Paul Johnson, was released on Friday, the South Korean government announced plans to mobilize and deploy another 3000 troops in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. This will place South Korea as the next largest coalition force in Iraq after the United States and Great Britain.

At a news conference, South Korean deputy foreign minister, Choi Young-jin, reported that the demand would not change South Korea's position on the war. In other words, they are ignoring the demonic demands of the Al Queda militant group.

“Our message to the South Korean government and the Korean people: We first demand you withdraw your forces from our lands and not send more of your forces to this land. Otherwise, we will send to you the head of this Korean, and we will follow it by the heads of your other soldiers.”

This group identified themselves as the same group responsible for the beheading of Nick Berg. They gave 24 hours from sunset Sunday for South Korea to comply. South Korea has already warned her citizens against traveling to Iraq for fear of possible terrorist attacks on civilians due to the decision to send more troops.

Also on my FYI list for today, the war crimes tribunal in Iraq announce the possibility of executing Saddam Hussein for his war crimes against Iraq and her citizens. The tribunal, however, will first have to lift the death penalty suspension. I hope he gets it because holy shit he deserves it.

Someone asked me what my opinion was on the situation in Iraq and whether or not I felt that the war was justified. So I am going to run with that question.

I am or well was a soldier. As a soldier, I supported the orders given to me no matter what. I had a commander-in-chief, President Bush, and as my commander, I am to follow his orders even if I don't agree with them. Do I like the fact that we are at war? No...who would? Do I think it was justified? I don't really choose to comment on that because again, I follow my orders regardless of my opinion of them.

We need to finish the job we started one way or another. I think that they need us there. After seeing the state of the country and the innocent women and children who suffered first and foremost from the influence and dictatorship of Saddam Hussein, I think without a shadow of doubt that we should be there. I am not a politician so I can't propose my own solution without conducting extensive research. I can say, though, that people need to stop protesting the war in Iraq without realizing what they are saying. By protesting the war, you are protesting the saving of children's lives. Think about it this way, if the situation were reversed and the US was under the tyranny of a president such as Saddam, wouldn't you want the most powerful country in the world to intervene so that your 3-year old baby girl will have a chance to see her next birthday, to go to first grade, to have her first kiss, to graduate high school, and to get married? When you put into perspective in that manner, things are completely different.

I don't like the casualties in Iraq of course but the war has been started and we have to finish what we started. The people there need us. For my own Christian beliefs and the things in the Bible that say the Middle East will always be in conflict, of course bearing that in mind I don't like the war. I know that Iraq will never be solved or peaceful but still, I do support my fellow soldiers while they place their life on the line everyday. I respect them, I love them, and I pray for them daily. May God bless you all and may He grant your safe and speedy return to your loved ones at home. For those of you who will not return home, we will never forget your ultimate sacrifice. You are the epitomy of an American defending his or her country.

Wow this city is so beautiful, especially with the lights at night. I love it here. I couldn't live here because I love the country or least suburbs enough so that I can have my own peace and quiet. I am going to get to meet friends of John tomorrow. We have spent the evening here at his parent's condo/apt. and his sister is just lovely. We have had some interesting and meaningful conversation. I even spoke to his mother in Switzerland on the phone and she too seemed quite lovely. I do hope that meeting the rest of his family goes as smoothly as this did tonight. We tried to convince John to take us to see Shrek 2 but no such luck as of yet.

Other than that, it's so neat to see how differently our cultures are. They don't use top sheets like us Americans do. And they don't use wash clothes in the shower. It's so interesting/facinating to me! Maybe I am just weird but you know. Anyway, thanks to all for looking at the pics below that John took. I think they turned out well. I am going to put some more pics up from Iraq as soon as I get them scanned. I think I ended up with around 15 rolls of film once I came home. Ok...off to do more lesson planning.

Yay so there is this thing in the middle of the square here in Decatur that is really pretty, water fountain and all. It's like a little park of sorts. So John took pictures of me here. The only thing is that I was squinting a bit because of the sun so I dunno but they are still good I think. John takes good pictures. Thanks honey!



















And this picture is from the weekend that John met my parents. My mom is being silly here.

I was searching for inspiration tonight for a blog. Actually all day today I racked my brain for what to write about. So, I asked Ian for an idea and he asked for something along these lines. Hope this is what you were interested in reading Ian and thanks for the idea. Oh and yeah I know shark, your next words are why don't you and Ian just get a room then...yep stop mentioning the notion or we just might hahaha...

One of the most difficult things for a soldier to do is talk about his or her experiences at war. It's not an easy thing to discuss and most generally we don't like talking about it. One of more difficult things is talking about Iraq to someone who wasn't there.

My major problem with this is that someone who wasn't there is that they try to focus on the bad of Iraq. The media tends to exxagerate issues facing the soldiers in Iraq. They focus on the negative aspects of war for the simple reason that they want to boost their ratings. They don't realize the affects that has on the world.

Soldiers in my unit and units around us did everything they could to help the Iraqis. We fed the children, talked to them, tried to calm the fears of parents, of children, of wives, of husbands. We actually did have to take a POW but we of course handed him over to the MP's. However, while we were waiting for the arrival of the MP's, I interrogated him and obtained vital information. We did not beat him or tie him up. My convoy NCOIC simply instructed four male soldiers to guard him while I spoke with him. I was the only one there who spoke a bit of Arabic. His toddler son was terrified that daddy was being taken away so we ensured that he was safe with someone and informed the man that his son would be taken care of. Does the media report that? Why of course not? Why would they? It might make people realize that we really are doing something worthwhile in Iraq.

Thre is a civil affairs unit in Baghdad who orchestrates the adoption of Iraqi schools that are in need of supplies. People and organizations from all over the world have donated supplies and adopted schools. My sorority, for one, has adopted a school and is currently working to raise and collect enough money/supplies to send to the school. Of course the media doesn't focus on that either.

So, my point is, those of us who were there know personally that there are a lot of good things happening there. We are making a definitive difference in the country. I will never see the families I hope to have touched again but I pray that the kindness my fellow soldiers and I tried to show them made a difference. Americans are being forced to focus on the negative aspects of the war. HELLO! there are negative things to war but that's war. Please just realize that there is sooo much good in Iraq.

So I have made it here safely to Illinois once again. John took me to Texas Road house for dinner because neither of us had eaten yet. As I was driving into Decatur on the way to his house, it simply felt like I lived here and I was returning from a conference or something. It felt like I belonged here and why hadn't I been here for the first part of the week. This is what has been on my mind all night now.

This feels like home for me already and I know that on
Sunday when I return my house in Martin that I will feel
like I am leaving my true home for another short vacation. It just seems that I am "meant" to be here with him. John, you asked me at dinner was everything ok and you commented that I seemed upset. No, my love, I could never be upset with you or being here with you. This is what is on my mind. I can't stop thinking about it and it's a lot to sort through at once. I am not overwhelmed, it's not that. The thing is that that I don't know what to do with this. It's something I have to fit into my life right now. I don't want to rush life and skip through what I know is going to continue to be a wonderful and enlightening college experience but I still can't wait for two years to pass by and I have graduated and can look towards a more permanent future with you instead of this driving thing all of the time. It's hard because I know that I could move here with you and go to school here but do I want to do that or not? I don't know. I really don't know. What are the pros and cons of leaving school here and going to school here where you are? Again, I dunno know. For those of you reading this...whatcha think?

People seem to be liking these pictures so here goes with some more in addition to the posts below. So, do you all remember the post where I told you about the Iraqi boy that "wore the American flag" on his forehead through a stamp? Here are two pics of him and one of his little friend.
Before stamp:



After stamp:



Friend:



So this picture is how we knew where to turn to go to Baghdad International Airport. This is on MSR Tampa, one of the highways. We turned at this place and went down a long windy road to BIAP.



Just a tanker being hauled back towards Kuwait. This was when the cease fire was called and some units were heading home.





Other than pics from Iraq, I am leaving this afternoon at 3 p.m. to drive to see John (shark99). I am to spend the rest of the week there and then go to Chicago with him to meet his sister and also I will get to catch up with an army buddy of mine who lives there. So yaya fun times unless...I am so tired and I am hoping the drive goes well. I might be on my cell a bit to stay awake. Ok leave me comments on the pics and I will talk to ya'll later tonight once I get to Illinois!

In addition to the pics from my last blog below this one, here are more!! I have about 15 or so rolls of film but I won't post them all!

Ok so this picture was taken right after I came home from a mission. My guys really liked stealing my teddy bear but this time they just tucked him in bed and left me a note that said, you better watch out!! They even once stole my poor bear for ransom...I will blog about that later!!!



This picture is a sign on the highway in Kuwait...one of the many highways that is. They really loved us in Kuwait.



In front of the ziggurat at Abraham's birthplace was this sign. It shows the map of the site and descriptions of it, in Arabic of course.



Here are three pics of the ziggurat at Abraham's birthplace. Damn I climbed all those freakin stairs to the top and hell it took 20 minutes. And I was sore as hell. You wouldn't think it would be so hard but hell it was! Anyway, once we got to the top it was freakin awesome standing way up there and looking across over the desert...for miles all you could see was desert and it was actually neat to see it from that point. I was relieved to have time to visit places like this. Holy ground such as this place is very guarded by Americans and Iraqis alike so this was a safe zone so to speak. Very calm and relaxing.

These 2 pictures are Abraham's birthplace outside of Tallil Air Base. I was stationed maybe 5 miles from here. Of course we lived elsewhere because of so many missions but our true home base was Camp Cedar II. Here I was standing on the top of his house (there's no roof anymore) and I was just looking across/down and taking a picture.






This picture was taken inside the Baghdad International Airport. The school had just recently begun school again and the children were sitting outside waiting for school to start and watching us drive by.



These were Iraqi bunkers. They were on MSR Tampa on the way to Baghdad. We never got shot at from these positions. They were mainly used during the first part of the war and by the time we drove to Baghdad, they mainly attacked from elsewhere...



This was me while we had stopped for repairs again on the way to Baghdad. Look there is just damn desert for freaking miles. But anyway, my driver thought to take a picture of me while I was standing there for security. I look thrilled huh?!

I spoke with someone who was stationed at Abu Ghraib where the prisoners were abused. I was speaking of how much I hoped those soldiers hung for what they did to the Iraqis. I was embarrassed that they wore the same uniform that I did because our uniform represents the values that we uphold.

I cannot tell you who this person is because I feel his privacy should be protected and he does not speak of this much. However, what I can tell you is this: The Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib taunted the soldiers. There were constant yells towards the soldiers- "I killed your brother. I blew his head off. I watched him die and loved it. I watched him ask for mercy and I killed him with pleasure. I did this I did that"....gruesome disgusting comments and taunting towards the soldiers. Throwing it in their faces that they had killed fellow soldiers. I do not think that I should divulge some of the graphic comments that were made. It turned my stomach to think about it.

The actions of these soldiers were not morally correct, no, of course not. But they were acting in revenge on the people who made their lives a worse hell than war already was. I DO NOT THINK IT WAS RIGHT! Please don't think that. But we all have said that these soldiers deserve to hang for what they did. Maybe so maybe not, who are we to judge because we were not there and we do not know the entire story. Just food for thought. I won't be saying that I hope they hang anymore because now I know just a bit more about what happened during the months prior to the incident.

You know, the American flag is a symbol of our freedom in this country. I know that being an American entitles us to a wide range of freedoms. However I do not feel that these freedoms should in any way include burning the flag of your country, the flag that symbolizes the freedom that my fellow soldiers and I defend (past, present, or future), and the flag that is the symbol of being an American. I am damn proud of being an American.

For more than two-hundred years, our country's military, firefighters, police, and other service personnel have treated the flag with the highest level of respect and honor. Why can't we do the same? Desecrating or burning the United States flag is disrespecting the American people who truly love this country and is not respectful of those fighting in defense of this country. That precious flag is a symbol of freedom and this nation's honor and heritage. Have a little respect for it! And the fact that it isn't against the law to burn the flag is astonishing to me! I can't promise that I won't beat the living hell out of you if I see you doing such a horrible thing. And I am so dead serious too.

Ok so now I am off my soap box of the flag issue. Thanks to LyonDenyit for giving me this idea through his own rantings about the constitution etc. When I read his post, I just had a lightbulb and had to post about this! Love ya'll mean it!

So a good friend, and another soldier, posted a blog about his most embarrassing moment and then asked for ours. So that is my next topic. Check out his blog too btw. [url=]http://daydrmblvr.tblog.com[/url]

We had just finished downloading fuel into the fuel pods at Baghdad International Airport. One of the company jokes was the company nerd who had a seriously disgusting crush on me. I was taken at the time...I didn't say happy in my relationship but I was taken so he never really talked to me about it for reasons that included he was a nerd and also he knew I would have slapped the hell out of him, perhaps because I told him so on more than one occasion.

So I was standing on the side of our 5-ton cargo supply truck talking to a friend of mine and I hear laughing coming from behind me. I had literally no idea what was about to happen. All of the sudden I felt this hand grab my ass and just get a handful of my ass and for those of you that know, I have a big ass, ask my boyfriend. I swirled around and who was it but the nerd grabbing my ass.

Embarrassed is not the word here people. That's putting it very mildly. Apparently, the guys had told him that if he would just have the guts to grab my ass that I would fall in his arms and love him forever. The fact that he believed them is hilarious. I hopped off that truck so fast and told him that he didn't have the balls to do that again and that he was the farthest thing from my mind. I was so embarrassed though because for the rest of our tour in Iraq, he was every mission I was on and if I had a detail, God forbid but he was on it too because everyone thought it was so funny that he had a crush on me.

Worst thing is that I saw him in Union City (15 minutes from where I live) and he just waved and got all excited. I was like holy hell...he's still got his silly crush and he is such a damn nerd! The guys in my unit still tease me about it and I am not even in the service anymore!

June 13, 1970 Last Beatles chart-topper


On this day, "The Long and Winding Road" hits the top of the charts. It was the Beatles' last No. 1 song. The group announced its breakup in April, but their last album, Let It Be, was released just as the announcement was made, and several songs became hits.

We are both quite busy this weekend between him meeting my parents and just spending some quality time together so in order to let you all know we are doing well, I thought I would post a quick entry. We are both going to go down in our blog ratings haha because neither of us have been on here to speak of. He did meet my parents today and they loved him of course. We went to see a Civil War reenactment which some of you may find boring but for me as a future history teacher, I loved every minute of it. John and my mother teamed up on me and picked on me the whole day but it was lots of fun. Take care all of you and we will post pictures of us tomorrow.

"LT Stokes, observe the sky to your 1:00 position. It seems like we just might be getting another sandstorm. You know that when we based here the Colonel said that every time a new unit arrives we have a bad sandstorm. I think the desert just knows..." I laughed but I was truly serious.

"You might be right and in consideration of that theory, lets hurry up and finish staking these tents." LT certainly wasn't helping us but that comes with rank. She helped where she felt she wanted to and we respected her for that.

"Hey Scarlett, throw me the sledge hammer. We need to finish staking this side of the tent." SGT Jarret, otherwise known as Jamie, walked over and retrieved the sledge hammer.

"I thought you wanted me to throw it", I laughed. "I could have thrown it er well tried to throw it."

"Right Scarlett and then I am gonna get blamed for you hurting yourself. I don't think so."

"Well when you get done with it, I need it back because the guys on my side have finished tying this side together. I hate these Arabic "clown tents". They are cotton and they are gonna be too damn hot to live in."

"SPC Wells, I think the Battalion Commander said it would take no more than 7 days to rail our equipment here so hopefully we can put up our other tents at that point." LT seemed hopeful but we all knew that within 24 hours of our tents being in place, we would be placed on the mission rotation.

We finished staking the tents and each platoon hid in their tents waiting for the storm to hit. The wind soon hit the tent and was blowing it in every direction known to mankind. We just looked at each other and kind of wondered what we would do if the tent flew away. That happened a lot here.

"LT, um the tent is coming off the ground. It is probably in our best interest to find a way to keep it from flying away." SGT Hill leaned over and quizzically observed the south end of the tent. "See I am not lying."

"Well I am not leaving this tent so you can go outside if you want to and restake it." LT was quite serious. She remained glued to her footlocker.

"Perhaps we could slide the footlockers and crates over the ends of the tents that are not staked. I mean I don't know but we have to do something and it is not wise to go outside. We all know that it is easy enough to get lost in a sandstorm."

SGT Hill looked at me like I had lost my damn mind but still kept observing the tent flying up. "Maybe...it might work."

"Ok well how about this, we don't have enough foot lockers inside the tent to secure the tent so if you guys will work on the ones inside, I will crawl out underneath the tent. Someone hold that section of the tent up and I will push the footlockers that are outside underneath the tent. That should work." I half laughed at myself knowing that at the end of this ordeal I would be brown with sand.

"If you really want to, Scarlett, go ahead. I am gonna take a picture of this one!" Jamie laughed and got the other guys together to help.

I laid on my back and scooted underneath the tent. When I stood up outside, I was eternally grateful for the sand goggles around my eyes. I couldn't see anything. I went to my knees and crawled around, holding on to the tent with one hand and feeling for footlockers. "HERE YOU GO!" I yelled as loud as possible, choking on sand that flew down my throat as I pushed the footlockers underneath the tent. I circled the tent, crawling through the sandstorm every moment wondering why I had done this. I laughed inside at my idea to do this.

"Ok someone hold the tent up, I am ready to come back inside." We couldn't untie the tent doors to let me in because that would have let too much sand in. I scooted back underneath the tent and removed my goggles once back in the tent. Instantly I heard the guys rolling with laughter. I truly was brown with sand.

We survived the night because of the footlocker idea but the next morning, we realized that other tents across the base had not been so fortunate. I walked to the water buffalo the next morning and noticed that several tents and what was inside had flown away during the night. I wondered what those soldiers would do when they came home from mission. We all spent the day searching the perimeters for tents and belongings. We found most of it but not all.


I laugh about this now and it truly was kind of hilarious. I am only glad we didn't attacked in that mess!!

"Guard the hummer while I walk to the rear of the convoy to assist in repairing the tanker. Be careful because the rest of our guys are in the rear right now too."

"What I am up here alone with everyone else 500 yards from me? Hold on, what if something happens?" I was furious, this wasn't correct action to undertake according to SOP's.

"That's what I said, didn't I? You were brought on this mission for security purposes only so do your damn job!" My NCOIC for the mission yelled at me and stormed off.

"Well now, this is simply perfect", I muttered. For the moment, all I could see was desert for miles, not an Iraqi in sight. Out of all the life threatening situations I was thrown in, at this point this one takes the cake. I kept muttering to myself, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen.

"DON'T YOU MOVE!" A calloused hand clinched my throat and I could feel the barrel of a gun at my forehead. "American whore...gonna teach you a lesson."

"Holy shit, oh my God, it's over, this is it." Fear, terror, anger set in and I realized exactly what was happening. Things went blurry but I felt someone else tearing my M16 from my hands. I was helpless... "Oh God I can't breathe...he's choking me..." I felt myself being dragged away from our convoy..."So this is what it's like to be captured."

"Pick up your feet bitch." I heard more rambling in Arabic but I couldn't understand all of it. My assailant only spoke broken English so most of his rants were in Arabic. Above his yelling and cursing, my ears picked up an American voice, screaming my name. I managed to choke out a weak "Help me!"

Ear-piercing shots rang out and I felt the hand around my throat drop and I fell to the ground with his release. I screamed and pushed myself away from his body...another shot rang out a few feet away and my second assailant fell dead to the sand. I kept rubbing my hands in the sand...blood everywhere from the first person. "Oh God help me!" I fainted and collapsed. When I came to, I was lying in the back of the hummer, everyone crowded around me. "Where am I?" Tears came when I realized this hadn't been a dream.

"You are in the back of the hummer, SPC, just calm down."

I wished now I had never volunteered to go on mission with this unit. My own unit wasn't on mission today but the 325th TC had needed volunteers from other units to support their mission. "What happened? Where are the Iraqi's?" I tried to sit up but the pain from my neck prevented a comfortable position.

"Two Iraqi soldiers tried to capture you. You never should have been left alone." David was a friend from this unit. I felt his hand wiping a cloth across my forehead.

"Were there any others?" I naturally assumed there were more than two Iraqis in the area.

"If there were, they didn't dare to come around after we shot the other two. Calm down. They are dead, you aren't in any danger now."

"Yeah well fucking say that again and I am gonna kill you. You are so fucking ignorant to have left me here by myself. What do you think they were going to do if they saw an American female soldier alone. You better be glad I am not capable of hurting you. I swear to God, don't ever fucking come near me. Don't ever ask me to volunteer to help your unit's mission." Probably I should not have spoken to an NCO that way but naturally I was pissed and terrified.

The other soldiers had finished the repairs and we headed back to camp. No one spoke of what had happened once we reached our home base. I numbly threw my gear in my tent, still not fully realized what had really happened. I laid on my cot and fell asleep.

"Scarlett...wake up. Scarlett..." I felt someone shaking me and in that instant, I grabbed his hand and before I realized what I had done, had him in the same choke hold I had previously been in.

"Get the hell away from me." I released his throat and kicked him hard enough to make him fall over.

"Damnit Scarlett, I was only waking you for chow. The cooks made supper and you know full well we haven't eaten anything but MRE's for weeks." Jeremy was on the other side of my tent when he said that. "Sorry I won't bother you again."

"Just get out. Just go, just leave me."

I pulled my knees to my chest and just rocked back and forth sobbing...I realized the day hadn't been a dream. I heard my mother's voice in my head.

"Scarlett, promise me one thing. If you do get captured, don't give up your country. It's name, rank, serial number got it?!" My mother rarely mentioned much about my going to war but a month prior to my flight, she had said those words to me outside of my barracks at Fort Campbell. No one but her and I knew of the conversation but now her words rang in my head. I realized that I had almost found myself in that situation.

"Oh God..."

The days to come passed by slowly. I stumbled through them, still not telling anyone in my unit what had happened. Strangely, the convoy commander from the 325th did not relay the incident to my commander. The whole thing was kept under wraps and no one around me knew the reasons for my changed demeanor. Nine days after the incident, I found myself back on mission and this one would only worsen the situation.


For those of you who have kept up with my blog, you will remember the entry where I wrote of our casualty. That was the mission that followed this incident. Please understand that I am writing this to get this out of my head, it's my therapy and I have to do this. I am sorry if it hurts others to read this. Some of the things I write about here are stories from other's experiences as well and I am not going to write them from their perspective or using their names. It's easier to write them from my point of view. A lot of the things written here are my nightmares and it's hard to know with those sort of things.

In my Teacher Education class, we were going over Direct Instruction lessons and so we were taught this type of lesson through our professor actually giving a lesson via direct instruction on the topic of haikus and cinquains. We had to write one of each so I thought I would share those. They are quite simple versions of poems but here goes.

This one is a haiku:

[i]Soldier[/i]
Defending our flag
Defending freedom and life
I am a soldier

This one is a cinquain:

Pianist
Heartfelt intensity
Creating music from the inner soul
Emotion building the notes to a new level
Deep love

Each of these types of poetry are written based on rules of a certain number of syllables or words per line so that is why these are so brief. I am not much of a poet but it's all good right?!

Well it seems like you're already a ring bearer,
you don't need the Ruling Ring. Of course, you
constantly think of all the things you could do
with ultimate power!


If You Received The One Ring, How Would It Affect You?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Are you sure you have everything?" SGT Palanki was leaving me in Camp Arifjan, Kuwait so that I could travel home per request of the Red Cross message concerning the health of my father.

"Yes I am good to go. I want to tell you thank you for everything. War is hell but you have made it a bit easier. I sincerely wish there were more NCO's like you. Take care and keep your head down on the way back across the border."

"You just go home and take care of your family. Leave the war to the rest of us."

I turned and walked down to battalion with my baggage. There was a SUV waiting to transport me to the Kuwait City Airport. I sat in the SUV waiting for the Sergeant to drive me. Tears came...I knew I was finally going home but I was going home because my daddy was dying.

"Tell me why you are taking him, God?! TELL ME WHY!" I wasn't angry but I was hurt. I had no idea of if daddy was going to live and I wasn't ready for the worst outcome.

Soon enough I was sitting on the plane that would take me home to my family. I sat back and the tears came again. We took off from the airfield and I felt like I was deserting my fellow soldiers. I flew into Amsterdam, and then changed flights to make the last leg of the trip until I would touch US soil. We flew into Detroit at about 11 a.m. on September 2, 2003. We touched ground and I just cried so much. I was one of the last passengers to exit the plane. I walked into Detriot International Airport and fell to my knees in tears. The stewardess knelt beside me and asked was I going to be ok.

"You don't understand ma'am. I have just come from the war." Tears continued to flow. I walked down the airport...staring in wonder. I was like a child in a candy store for the first time. I bought American water and drank like 5 bottles...I ate American food (Taco Bell...2 bean burritos and a Dr. Pepper)...I used a real telephone and heard mama's voice without the hesitation from being 7000 miles from her. Then I just sat waiting for my flight to Memphis. I walked to the counter when they called for my flight, handed the lady my orders, ID card, and ticket. She just looked at me and her own face quivered when she shook my hand and said "Welcome home dear...it's good to have you back." Tearfully I nodded. I sat in the back of the plane next to a nice couple coming home from a trip to Europe. They saw my military ID and asked me...I just looked down at the floor.

"Please, the war was hard. I was honored to serve but I would rather not talk about it."

They just nodded and kept reading their books. The steward walked by me and asked if I wanted anything to drink. He informed me I could have whatever I wanted and it would be on the flight. "Thank you for what you did and welcome home dear." (He was hot!!! and Asian...I obviously have a huge thing for Asians...go figure shark's asian!!)

At 4:30 that afternoon, we landed in Memphis. When I walked off the plane, I started looking for mama. But the flight staff informed me that they weren't allowed into the area where we came off the planes because of security purposes. I went through security and headed towards baggage claim. I walked through the gate and there she was.

"OMG...mama...mama..." I cried, I cried so much. "God I thought I would never see you again."

"Scarlett...you're home...let's get you to your daddy. He's really sick, just to let you know and you won't be able to recognize him but just don't let him see you cry."

And I was home...that was the most emotional moment in my life...seeing mama and daddy again...but thank you God for bringing me home then. BTW, daddy is better now. His cancer is in remission or so they think...it's still kind of up in the air. I love ya'll!

"God I am so glad to be heading back to base. That's the longest damn mission yet and hell, we thought it was supposed to be 2 days...let's go man." I yawned, stretched, and pulled myself on top of my tanker, checked that our gear was secure, and jumped down onto the ground and hopped in my tractor. Brandon was driving for me, he never let me drive if we were in the truck together. Protective....hell yes.

We were coming from Gharma after the Iranian standoff had occurred. We had got caught in the middle of the American forces and the Iranian insurgents and so consequently we weren't allowed to go anywhere. Damn...and I mean that seriously. We saw serious firefights between the two sides but we weren't allowed to do anything....we just kinda kept our head down and let the fighter jets and special forces handle it.

We drove home on MSR Jackson and headed through several small towns to make our way "home". We hit Samawah (spelling??!) and could see this part of the Euphrates river in the distance....wow it was beautiful here. I was operating the radio in our truck and all of the sudden I heard SSG Hussey having some kind of fit about something at the head of the convoy. Our lame ass commander was in the rear of the convoy and wasn't honorable enough to lead us.

"Captain Turner, we are taking sniper fire in the front of the convoy. What are your orders, sir? We need to slam on it and get the hell out of here because I can't tell where we are taking rounds from."

"Just stay here, I am not going anywhere."

Ok...how much damn sense does it make for us to sit on a bridge over a river taking sniper fire. Well it doesn't make any sense but that's what we did. We sat there, and continued taking rounds. We all just kinda kept low and then here came the fighter jets over our heads. Someone must have contacted them from inside the town- there were some coalition forces in the town. The fighter jets blew the hell out of the top story of some building to our 1:00 position.

"Alright well I think it's safe to continue the mission, SSG Hussey."

Well no shit sherlock but don't you think we should have gotten the hell out of there when we first started taking sniper fire?! SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) dictated that we were to get the hell out of the AO if under sniper fire of that kind. I was in the near rear of the convoy and wasn't in any kind of danger at that point- our convoy was usually 3 miles long because of the number of fuel tankers we were hauling back and forth.

Some of you have commented to me about the poor leadership in the army...this is one example of that. Our CO is in lots of trouble now that we are stateside...matter of fact as far as I know he isn't even in the military anymore because of his actions. So, later today I will try to post another journal entry exemplifying true leadership as outlined by the Army values. Later ppl! Leave your comments!

[image]ScarlettGKPi_12547 13717.jpg[/image]

Today say a short thank you to the men and women who died in the past, present and future in defense of your freedom.

I felt when I posted my war journal entries that everyone would understand that the war was not always that bad. We had good times as well as the bad ones. Each soldier in Iraq had a different experience and for one soldier to tell another- "you are lying and that didn't happen" is not fair because you weren't in my unit and you don't know what happened in my unit. I had a messed up chain of command and so things happened differently with us than per say another unit did things. We crossed the border after the war had begun but we crossed the border through a small town that was well known for intense fire fights and problems with children. So, please keep your negative comments to yourself. I understand that maybe when you were in Iraq things weren't as bad but as another soldier, you should understand that things happened differently everywhere. In the north, at Tikrit and Mosul, things were a million times worse than in the south of Iraq where things were calmer after the beginning of the war. Each region in Iraq faced different levels of combat and different experiences with the Iraqi civilians. There were times when I was able to have one-on-one discussions and interaction with the children and sometimes adults and those times were rewarding because in those situations, I was dealing with the Iraqis who loved us and were grateful for what we were doing. Our unit mission was to haul fuel in support of the whole theater (area of combat). We hauled fuel to the airfields- mainly Baghdad International Airport- and we hauled fuel to download in huge fuel pods that the tankers could fuel off of. We supported both American operations and operations conducted by other countries. Our unit, in other words, handled missions in support of all coalition forces. We were supposed to only support the 4th Infantry Division but when Turkey fell through, we were sent through Kuwait like everyone else and crossed the border in early April to help support the whole theater. My experience in war was very difficult for me since, like most of you know, a close friend of mine was killed on the mission of which I had a lot of control over, not commander but assistant to the CO and he slept so...you know. But, like I said, it was hard on me because I am emotional and I didn't like seeing the destruction there. I didn't like seeing children run over, seeing innocent women killed, etc. It wasn't a good situation in all areas there and it wasn't a bad situation in all areas. There are a lot of different aspects to war and Iraq so as another soldier, you ought to understand that. I understand that some soldiers went to Iraq, and loved every minute of it because they happened to be stationed where the fighting was not as intense or maybe they had the pleasure of having good interaction with the civilians, had the pleasure of seriously helping them. Some people had those opportunities and I wish that I had. Please just have an open mind and know that all soldiers do not have the exact same experiences. I know some Special Forces soldiers, close friends of mine, who read this blog and each of them who went to Iraq have never said- you are lying- because they went through worse things than I could ever begin to imagine. So get off your high-horse, get over yourself, and if you can't say something positive, don't comment on my blog because like you know and can tell that I did, I WILL DELETE YOUR COMMENT! Don't purposely have such a negative effect on this site when so many of us here love this and support each other.

"Ok people, stay close and don't let the children get in between our tanks...keep your weapon locked and loaded and aimed out the window. Co-drivers, pay close attention and guard your driver. Drivers, run over what ever doesn't get out of your way, even if it's a child. People we are crossing the border and what lies on the other side is inevitable. Be on guard at all times. DO NOT feed the children. Do what you have to in order to keep them off your tankers. People just use your heads. We are at war here and there's no turning back now. Ok...get in your tankers, let's do this!"

Our convoy commander pretty much gave us the low down. We were on the Kuwait side of the Iraqi border and we were about 1 mile from crossing it so we all huddled up so to speak and received our op orders, mission, and briefing. I got in my tanker tractor (tractor is what pulls the 5K tank of fuel) and sat there digesting it for a moment.

"How am I supposed to stomach seeing these starving children and not feed them? Hey, what are you going to do?" I looked at my driver.

"Well they can court martial me and I don't give a damn but you do what you want. All of the food I have and all of the water is right there in the middle of the seat. Give it to them. They need it more."

Tears came...I knew this was it...this was war and we were headed directly into the fighting. But the tanks needed our fuel and then we had to hit the airfields...the fighter jets needed fuel too. "God please give me strength. This is it. Please God, please get me through this. Keep me alive. If it's between me and the other person, give me the strength to make it them. Give me the strength to pull that trigger if I have to. I have to do this....here goes..."

"Hey well I have food mama sent me, fruit and canned food...think they will like that?" I was NOT even considering following the "no food to children" policy. Hell no....

"Yeah, like I said, court martial me. Those poor kids are starving." I got along great with my driver. He was an awesome person to fight alongside.

"OK! We are on the move. I got your back just concentrate on the road." We went through guards to cross the border and soon my tanker had driven across the berm (mound of desert signalling Iraq pretty much). Suddenly the rounds started flying our direction....gunfire everywhere. It was like Kuwait was one world and once we hit the border, it was hell.

"Holy hell!!! Scarlett...where the hell is that coming from...can you see? Unload your fucking weapon on them, fire the hell out of them!"

"You can't see a damn thing, the sand's too thick and shit there's no telling where the rounds are coming from. God how do we tell who's shooting at us...shit...shit....oh God...Here goes nothing...I can't see who to fire at..."

"Don't shoot anyone unless you see a weapon, you know you can't do that! Just shoot where you can for sure see they are firing at you!"

"Damnit I can't see anything! Shit there's a child in the road in front of you...get the hell out of the way kid! Don't run over the poor child please...just go around him..." We finally got out of the firefight. I never did fire my weapon. We couldn't see where or who or what to shoot at and Lord knows if I had shot and it had been US soldiers, God but I was terrified.

"Ok here we go, Scarlett...look...look..."

"OMG!" Tears flowed immensely...I looked and for miles were starving children. Babies with bones showing...no food for ages had been consumed by their small bodies. "Here, I am throwing them food. I don't care what the commander said. He's stupid. These children need us."

One by one I threw out every single MRE (Meal Ready to Eat) that my driver and I had...probably 20 or so. What we had was all we had to live on for the next few days...we were given MRE's in advance for missions. Then there went the food sent by mama. The children scrambled for the food, screaming their thank you's and waving I love you Americans...tears continued to come because I knew not all of them would have enough. I was saddened deeply by their situation. I had thrown all of my food to the children and was searching through my rucksack and my drivers to ensure we didn't have anything else for them. By intuition and training, I felt the presence of someone other than my driver next to me...we knew that some of these children carried grenades and would throw them at us if given the chance so I knew that I couldn't allow the children on our tanker. In that second that I knew someone was in fact on my tanker, I whirled around and pointed my M16 in the direction of where I knew the person was and screamed "I will shoot!". In that same instant I looked into the face of an innocent, maybe 11 year old, very hungry boy. Tearfully I yelled I am sorry, what is it? Although I knew I was supposed to shoo him away, I couldn't. He looked so helpless.

"Hungry, Missus!! Food, please! Me have no food, please, missus. We love you American, please food!?!"

Tears flowed harder then because I truly had no more food. I truly had given it all out and here was this child inches from me crying from the pains of hunger. I eventually convinced him that I really didn't have anymore but I handed him my last bottle of water that I could find and got him off the tanker. Minutes later we were rolling across the open desert away from any sign of life. I cried over and over again "God why couldn't I have had food for just one more?"

I wrote home that night while laying under the stars on top of my tanker. We were camping for the night, taking turns patrolling the area.

"Mama, just me...we are on our way to Baghdad...probably 4 hours outside of it now but we are camped for the night... God they are all so hungry, so starved, so beaten down from their life. It's so horrible. Please keep sending food. I will need it and what I don't need, the children do. Thanks and I love you."

Ok...so there's the latest post from my war journal. Glad that one's over...it's hard to bring all of this back to memory but it's my therapy and I need to do it. Thanks for reading it and commenting. It really helps me!

If there is one thing I have learned this weekend, it is that we have people in our life for reasons. God places these people to get us through the day, the night. I would like to tell each of you here THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. My latest post was two days ago and since then I have had a pretty bad time of it and haven't posted...damn I fell one number in rankings!! haha...anyway. But I have been reading the replies to my posts and I feel loved. tBlog has brought so many of us together and I am witnessing true friendships blossom and grow. Friendship is something that we should all be deeply thankful for, even if we have it only once in our lives. But I have it a million times over here and for that thank you! Your words have strengthed me and for that I am eternally grateful.

Furthermore people, pride is a huge thing and it's hard for me to say I need help, in any way. But because you love me John, I said it last night. That's a hard thing for me to do but it's the truth. My emotional stability is practically nonexistant right now and with that comes the lack of sound mental stability. No people I am not crazy or psycho...it's a different level than that and for those of you who have read my blog since I began this thing, you know what I mean by I need help. I want to tell John thank you for loving me. I want the entire world to know that I love you with my entire heart, mind, body, and soul. You are beginning the healing process in my life and for that, you are my everything. Sometimes when sharks swim into your life, it's a good thing!!

You know I am trying so hard not to rant on here. I would much prefer to post meaningful things that will interest ya'll but it's 1:36 in the morning and I am tired, angry in lots of ways, hurt, frustrated, and irritated.

I want answers to my questions, but there are so many running through my head. Can I please just yell for a bit? Is that ok with you all? Life is so hard and I know it is and it's supposed to be but can I please have a break? Would that be so hard to ask for? Is that too much?

I want for one day to wake up and not worry if it's all gonna be ok. But I sure as hell don't want someone looking at me and telling me it's going to be ok because unless you got the hell beat out of you for 14 years by your own daddy, unless you got shot at and shot back during war, unless you have been emotionally and mentally destroyed by the world, don't tell me it's going to be ok because you don't have a clue! I am sorry to be mean, if you think I am, but I am dead serious. You don't know, you couldn't know what I deal with inside my head. I really seriously wonder sometimes about the world I am living in. John, you said tonight that you wished you could hold me right now and squeeze the pain away. Well, you have healed my heart somewhat and you loving me takes some of my pain away and for that I owe you my life. I love you more than life itself. You are my world. I am sorry that this is a part of me. I do have my ups and serious serious levels of downs but I can't hide that part of me, I am sorry I can't bottle it in anymore...I will destroy myself that way and I know you want me to be a part of your life so I have to get things like this out.

I revisit the war period so much, enduring nightmares bringing me to flashbacks of combat, and making the people killed come back to life in my dreams, them "visiting me" asking me to help them. The dreams are so realistic and vivid and often I awake crying, in a cold sweat, and screaming, thinking that it was real. It haunts me and I hate it.

Tonight at work I passed out 5 times in the span of 45 minutes. It just happened over and over again despite inhalers and sitting down on the floor, drinking water, calm breathing...well trying to breathe that is. Everyone at work crowded around me, like that helps...hello. I have severe persistant asthma, the worst level, since the war because of oil well residue on my lungs. Apparently it's like I have smoked for 20 years. I don't breathe anymore either like I should. Most people don't have to think to breathe and for some reason, my brain isn't telling my heart to breath on its own and so my breathing is too shallow to exhale the carbon dioxide and inhale the needed amount of oxygen. So, you know breathing is kinda important. I don't have time to think about breathing that much but I know I have to. I just will seriously be sitting in class or with a piano student and realize that over the past how ever many minutes, I seriously haven't been breathing...so I will breathe and still my chest pains worsen so much, headaches...then I just black out again or for real totally pass out. It scares me so much and worse it terrifies John. But he cares and loves me so much that I understand his worrying. I am so deeply proud that I served my country but doing that fucked me up for the rest of my life. It's bad enough to deal with chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for my family to have to deal with that, but this breathing issue too? Why does all this have to happen to me? I am 21 in July and already my body is that of someone 20 years older. Why me? Why me!!!!? I just want to know why. It's so hard to deal with this, to deal with supporting myself, to deal with school. John is my only source of relaxation lately. Of course, I hold on to my faith and God sees me through it all. God is my refuge, my strength, my rock. It's still hard though. I wonder sometimes will I make it month to month and will I be able to handle it all. I am such a perfectionist at my own life that sometimes I get silly with trying so hard and worrying and I know that but it's hard to change. My therapist keeps telling me that I have to want to make it better before it can get better. I still think he doesn't have a clue about it sometimes but he's a good therapist and I do like seeing him for this. So you know...tired of this yet? I am sorry again for using this blog for things like this but tonight I had to! I have to get this all out sometime or else it's just gonna get so much worse...well...it is 2:15 now and I will try to sleep I think...thanks everyone.

Especially!! SheSpecies and islandArtist...we talked so much on tBlurt tonight and you helped me so much. You both are wonderful women and further proof of tBlog being a wonderful outlet for us all. I thank God for friendship from you both.

Also, John I love you with all of my heart. I hope you aren't too frightened by all of this...really you probably need to know that this goes through my head. I miss you baby and I love you!

So I have been pondering for a meaningful blog topic and I think one has just whammed me in the head like a lightbulb you know? So here we go, what makes someone rich? Most of you noted my previous posts on the 100 people in the world. 67 out of that 100 were poor. Well "poor" people are determined by the government by level of annual income. So am I classified as poor? Maybe, maybe not, I don't care because I am the richest person in the universe. Wanna know why and how? I AM HAPPY!

Why am I happy? My therapist asked me that this morning because despite my panic attacks, anxiety, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to Iraq, I am still happy. My family is God-send. My mother is a wonderful example. She balances her marriage with my daddy while simultaneously being the mother, working as a nurse, and doing her hobbies like gardening, sewing, etc. Daddy is fighting cancer and the effects of that but still has the emotional strength to be strong for us, to be the daddy we never had all those years. He is the daddy he didn't have to be but was so eager to be. Daddy loves us no matter what, he stands by us, lovingly giving us advice and encouraging us to be all we can be. My brothers and sisters and I are truly blessed to have parents like these two. There are nine of us children and we are all vastly different. But we love each other (aside from one psycho sister! she's nuts I swear and she hates all of us...lol there's always that one in every family!) and I truly know that while I was at war, I had a loving family at home who prayed for my safe return and was immensely proud of me. So, that's reason enough to be happy, but there's more. I am working toward a career that I know will be more rewarding than any amount of money. I have been given doors to opportunities for leadership and teaching on this campus that have furthered and will continue to develop my love for being a leader, a teacher, and a role model for the youth of today, the leaders of tomorrow. I work with at risk children, do community service with the underpriveledged, serve on the Red Cross board of directors, and teach the youth of this community to love piano as I do (at least I hope I am!). How could I not be happy? I am doing everything that I ever dreamed of. I am trying to finish my two books- A World Built on Pain, A World Healed by Music and The Call to Defend Freedom. Furthermore, I am surrounded by 25 sorority sisters who support and encourage my endeavors, who love me for me, and who I love with all my heart, who I am proud to have fought for. And then just so recently, my dream of the love that actually hurts my heart in a good way walked into my life. John, you are my entire world, my life. You have my soul and I love you so much. Ladies, I have always believed in the fairy tale of love and trust me it exists. Just don't settle please! There is so much more to love and happiness than just being taken care of. John loves me, supports and encourages me, stands by me, respects me, and most of all, loves me with all his heart. He trusted me with his heart so quickly and so deeply. How could I not be happy?

So, I have all of this in my life but I am not monetarily rich. Wait though, there is one more thing that makes all of this possible. God- Lord I love you and I am so thankful that You have placed all of these people and opportunities in my life. I don't care about the money, I don't care about material things. I have You as my Savior and I have John, my family, my sisters, and my career. What more could a person want?

Realize ya'll, there is so much more to happiness than money. What makes you happy? :lol:

If there were only 100 people in the world today, these are the numbers of people in each of the following categories?

Nonwhite-70
NonChristian-70
Poor-67
Asian-60
Annual income of less than $600-55
No Safe Drinking Water-50
Would live in substandard housing-50
Never talked on the phone-50
Illiterate-47
Malnourished-35
American-6
Start college-2
Graduate college-1
Own a computer-<1>
These numbers are taken from US Census. This is so sad and helps us to realize the state of the world today. :(

Everything I Do (Bryan Adams)

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

I love you John! :D

If there were only 100 people in the world today, how many people would fall under each of the following categories?
Nonwhite
NonChristian
Poor
Asian
Annual income of less than $600
No Safe Drinking Water
Would live in substandard housing
Never talked on the phone
Illiterate
Malnourished
American
Start college
Graduate college
Own a computer

We did this in my teacher's education class today. I want to see what some of you think on this and then later tonight, I will post the actual numbers. When coming up with your opinion, consider the third world countries, population in America and the cultural diversity of America, relgious differences, environmental hazards, and opportunities in different countries. Please understand that this is for you to realize that we in America have so much and don't you realize that the world is just not like us? There are two or three guys in my class who don't like me, not that I seriously care...but they really thought that the majority of the world was American and that the situation in the world today was good. I tried telling them hello...I went to war, a third world country that was completely desolate and poverty stricken. So take Iraq alone and then consider the rest of the world and don't you realize that you are blessed and that the majority of the world doesn't have the luxuries that you have?

First of all, I am running for featured blogs this week so please vote for me!

I am studying to be a teacher and part of the requirements is to work in the schools. This summer I am working with at risk children in the community. We were scheduled to be there for 3 hours today. These children come from families who are not as fortunate as others, abused children, and also children with behavior problems. Each of these children are a gift from God and I thank Him for each one of them. It is simply sad for the situation they are in. They only need to be loved and cared for. The lady who is over the program is so mean to them though. She yells like no tomorrow and I just kept thinking, why do you act that way? They are only children. Your yelling doesn't do a bit of good. I love working with children and seeing them succeed. Yelling at them simply doesn't further their success. I don't and never will understand it.

Please people, be thankful for what you have and that your life situation is better than these children. Be grateful that you have food, clothes, a place to sleep, and people who love you. Some of these children don't even have these basic human needs. Just don't take things for granted. When I look at these children, I remember the children from Iraq who literally had nothing at all. Some of them were simply happy just to wander across the desert knowing that Saddam Hussein was no longer a threat. They weren't worried about the next day, food, or anything, they were just happy to be alive. How many of us would complain to the ends of the earth if we were that 6 year old child walking across the desert? I mean even I remember catching myself at war complaining of being hot, tired, thirsty, etc and I should have just been happy to be alive for the moment.

The funny thing is, this is actually true. Until I met you, Shark, I had a habit of bottling my emotions inside and I didn't really talk about things as much.






find your element
at mutedfaith.com.

Ok so I don't know how to make these images align one underneath the other :( so for those of you who are good at html...let me know!!! Please!!!! :D Thanks so much. I love you John (Shark)

Ok so you know I try to keep up with the news and while in Iraq, I heard so much of Scott Peterson and how he murdered his pregnant wife and her baby. Peterson lied through the whole investigation and search for Laci. He attempted to cover up his extramarrital affair, was apathetic in the search for her, and gave investigators conflicting stories concerning his whereabouts the day she went missing. Peterson is facing two well deserved sentences if convicted. He could either face life without parole or the death penalty. Personally, I think he should hang for what he did. How can you kill the woman you pledged to give your life and love to? And how on earth can you kill your own son? A helpless baby not even ready to take his first breath forced into the world for moments only for his precious life to be instantly snuffed out by the one person who should protect it. I just hope that Amber Frey knows that she did the right thing coming forward concerning their affair. I pray for her stability because she had no idea who she was really dating. Peterson is one hell of a character. I don't know how he wakes up in the morning and looks himself in the mirror.

Oh and on a happier note after all of that, I love you Shark! You are my whole world!

Wow, I have had a wonderful weekend. I drove to see Shark as most of you know and it was fantastic from the beginning. I know that I was simply terrified because I hoped that I was everything to him in person as I was on the phone and via the computer. Well, just so you all know, he was everything I had hoped for and so much more. Listen people, I want you to understand one thing through hearing about Shark and I, when you meet that one person, you will know. I promise you that. And please stop putting time restraints on it. Somethings happen quicker and some don't but remember this, everything happens for a reason.

He took me to see Troy which btw was phenomenal. He ended up telling me a tale Sunday morning...he told me he had to go into work for something and he really went to the bookstore in the mall and bought me a copy of Homer's the Iliad which as you know is the basis for Troy. Then he wrote me a letter in the front of it. How sweet?!!! See, I love his hopelessly romantic side. He showers me with love and that's what I want and need. Of course I am trying to show him just as much how much I am in love with him. So the whole weekend was awesome. He learned that I love Warcraft and other computer games like that and he also learned that I can kick his butt at them. We are both so silly but you know. Shark treated me like a princess the whole time and I can't wait to see him again.

People, listen, throw out your old traditional beliefs about love and just go with your heart. I have and look where I am, in love with the best person that has ever walked into my life!