Shades of Scarlett Deep in Thought

Well, it's been an interesting past couple of months. Things have been hectic but happy and sad both. So much has happened...I'll try to catch everyone up on what's happened.

My research symposium ended up being 24 pages long and it went beautifully. My mom and dad both made it up to Illinois for it. My husband also came and provided his loving support. I received wonderful feedback and the faculty panel encouraged me to keep going with my research. I was advised, however, to be very careful when I further my research. Many people in the South and specifically Mississippi are not going to appreciate my willingness to tell the truth about their history. But I'm a Southerner and I should be allowed to tell this terrifying story of how the Citizens' Council subjugated both blacks and poor whites to a life of second class citizenship and how they have evolved into the Council of Conservative Citizens, a white supremacist organization designed to preserve the "Southern way of life." Despite what many people would like to believe, Mississippi's governor Haley Barbour and several of Mississippi's senators and representatives are active members of this organization and are clearly racist. They just hide their policies in "states rights."

My senior thesis was 23 pages long and I got an A on it, as I did in all of my classes. So, I was really pleased with it. This semester has been a lot of hard work but more importantly, I have grown so much academically and professionally. My mentor has had such a huge influence on my life and I am better for it. We're working together over the summer and in a year and a half, I'll begin applying to my top choices for PhD programs. We haven't finalized our list but Yale, Columbia, UPenn, Princeton, and UNC Chapell Hill, and perhaps a couple of others.

My dad is the sad part of the last couple of months. He had a heart attack about six weeks ago and more recently, he stopped breathing because of congestive heart failure. It has been a struggle and he does not have long. He also has mitral valve regurgitation which means that the blood in his heart is flowing backward instead of through the lungs like it should be. So, he is not getting oxygen to the heart because since the blood is not flowing correctly, it does not become oxygenated as it would if it flowed through the lungs. This is not good, obviously, but the doctors are not able to do anything. He is a poor candidate for surgery and most likely would not live through it. So he is home and it is a waiting game. Most days I cope with it ok but two nights ago it hit me hard. I got an email from my mentor, who has been very encouraging. He reminded me how much dad loves me. I just broke down and sat in the floor of my bathroom and cried and cried. I'm going to miss him so much, you know? I really really will...